Compromise and Conceit

Infernal adventuring…

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An Australian statistician and role-player living in Japan, interested in the theory and practice of role-playing…

  • Current Reading: The Dresden Files

    In two months I’ve managed to fly through the series of books called The Dresden Files, by Jim Butcher. I’m up to book 9 already, and it’s been a ball. This series of books is about a Wizard called Harry Dresden, in modern day Chicago, who advertises himself in the yellow pages and takes on cases involving mysterious beings, Faerie, Vampires, and all manner of other nasties. The first book starts fairly light, with Dresden taking on a mysterious case with links to the criminal underworld and a vampire. But over the series of books it becomes clear that something much bigger is on the move, and Harry Dresden is at the centre of it.

    The books are done in a generally pulp detective/ film noir style, a kind of Maltese Falcon meets Harry Potter sort of writing which is easy to read, very plot-heavy, and self-consciously deals in stereotypes and plot twists you are meant to guess. The plots are clever but never so complex as to be misleading, and Harry Dresden is a likeable and funny chap who is just imperfect enough that you are willing to believe it when his emotions lead him astray, or he makes silly mistakes. Like every good private Eye, he has his own dark past which is continually coming back to bite him, and he isn’t always on the side of the righteous – and all the “good” powers in the book are pigheaded and silly, just like they should be. Every story is a tale of an ordinary man with ordinary flaws, overcoming extraordinary challenges to ultimately triumph because he is, ultimately, a good man.

    These books also remind me of the Flashman Papers, in that the anti-hero is immediately likeable, and they mingle the pulp writing of the genre with some really nice writing. In the first book, for example, the scene where Dresden traps a faerie by a lake using pizza, in order to get information, is both very pulpy, very funny and eerily otherworldly. It is well written and classically pokes fun at every genre it is part of, while self-consciously revelling in the details of those genres. Even in the later books, when the challenges facing Harry Dresden are much greater, the books remain light-hearted and well aware of the rules of their genre, without being bound by them. This makes them both entertaining, engrossing and very impressive. And, at the same time, just as with the Flashman Papers, the reader (well, me at least) is confronted with that most artfully constructed of characters – someone whose beliefs and motivations you don’t necessarily agree with or support, but whose humanity and believability cause you both to support him through thick and thin, and to challenge your own views and assumptions. This is, I think, a rare and well-written character.

    So, having consumed 9 of the buggers in 2 months, I strongly commend them to you, dear reader.

  • Compromise And Conceit 21: At The Last

    Being the report of Bishop Julius Morninghope, emissary to the Pope for the New World, on the mysterious events in the American plains of winter, 1755. This report was sent to the Congregation for the Causes of Saints by Morninghope on the request of a small group of catholic colonial (white) residents of the New Red Empire, who believed the events of that fateful day should be better broadcast through the old world, which was at that time locked in debate over the spiritual rightness of what they called the “Renouncers”, that is, people who renounced English sway over the Americas and turned to the New Red Empire for protection. The Holy See was believed to be taking a position against the Renouncers, with the threat of mass excommunication, and the canonization of Father David Cantrus would serve to make such an excommunication extremely difficult.

    The New Red Empire, having freedom of conscience as one of its central principles, was happy to allow Bishop Morninghope into Albany to investigate in more detail, and to send this missive to Rome.

    Your Holiness

    Please find below the full report on the matters which occurred on the Great Plains in winter, 1755, in support of the case for canonization of the priest Father David Cantrus. This information was gathered in Albany in early 1756 on the request of the local parish of Albany, who constitute the Actor Causae pursuant to this case. Investigation was performed by myself and a single Inquisitor, Hendrick Heim from Bern.

    Initially, gathering information on the events proved difficult, but eventually I persuaded the survivors of the battle to speak to me. I was uncertain as to the veracity of their account; however, a survivor, one Dave Black, agreed eventually to submit himself to a mental Inquisition by Hendrick Heim. Heim was somewhat unusually affected by this mental Inquisition, but his sanity survived long enough to give a mostly lucid account of the events as they were witnessed by Dave Black. Although the unfortunate consequences of intruding on Dave Black’s mind have rendered the details a little hazy, I assure your holiness that the account is correct in all significant particulars (and especially Father Cantrus’ end).

    Father Cantrus is most certainly not the only hero of this process, though he is the only one to have performed a miracle, so I refer to the group of actors as “the Heroes” for the duration of this report. They arrived in Albany in possession of significant information concerning the intentions of an organisation called The Iron House, which had invaded the Americas with the intention of finding and opening an ancient gate to hell, which the Heroes refer to as “The Red Gate”. The characters had a message from an Indian Sorcerer begging them to come to his aid and, being important figures in the New Red Empire, had decided to do so.

    They were met at Albany by two old Indian witches referred to colloquially as “Coyote’s women”, presumably due to their manners and odour. They led the heroes to the Prophet, who was staying near Albany, and he informed them of the salient particulars of the matter: that a powerful wizard of the Iron House, one Alastair Crow, had landed in the Great Lakes region with a band of enslaved Irish soldiers and some British mercenaries, and was raiding the inland in pursuit of the Red Gate. The Prophet’s war chief, a heinous traitor and murderer known only as “Magua”, had led a warband to the scene of the Iron House’s arrival, but superior European magic prevented the savages from finding the intruder. As always happens at these times, the weak Indian Sorcerer turned to white folk for help. They told him that they knew what the Iron House sought, though not where it was, and upon discovering that the Iron House had the Thorntree as its objective, he offered to send the characters there quickly. He opened a gate to what he knew as the Spirit World, undoubtedly some outer part of hell, and they agreed to journey through it to the location of the Thorntree, shaving many weeks off the journey should they survive. Coyote’s women would aid them as guides in this spirit world, which sounds from their account like a greater and even emptier version of the real world of the Indians.

    Within this spirit world all humans take an alternate form, and those of the heroes were (by their own account):

    • Father Cantrus: An angelic figure comprised only of sharp angles and flat planes wearing a formerly alabaster robe that’s now filthy with all manner of foul things. The being’s left arm is translucent and leaves shadows in the wake of its movements. Wings made of a combination of feathers and blades sprout from its back in an array of white glow and steely reflections that are marred by the blood that they have been dipped in
    • Dave Black: a great black badger
    • Anna Labrousse: a beautiful woman being slowly constricted to death by a dragon coiled around her
    • Merton St. Helier: a powerful centaur, bow in one hand, wine glass in the other, and very well hung
    • Brian the Hunter: A roughly human shape, but made of thorns… the longest nastiest thorns you’ve seen… the between the fronds of thorns light just disappears and the result is unnaturally deep shadows between the branches of thorns.  Out of the shadows thick, half-congealed blood slowly seeps, leaving constant blood trails behind him that after about 10m of walking seem to evaporate into thin air.  On close inspection, and with the aid of bright light, you can see that all Brians human organs are underneath the thorns in their relevant places, including his oversized heart!
    • Russell Ganymede: eleven foot tall, naked, super-short legs (stumps!), massive belly and arms; bleached, oozing skin (translucent!), and a stench of rotten eggs: like an ogre had been lying in sulphuric acid for too long. Recessed chin, chiselled forehead, “walks” using much of its arms, and exhales sulphuric vapour; drooling problem.

    Coyote’s women took the form of coyotes in this spirit world. This world has many strange properties which make it difficult for the living (let alone the pious!) to travel through. By the account of our heroes, the spirit world is a strange land, indescribably vast, with some of the features of the real world massively exaggerated, and others strangely subdued. It doesn’t seem to have temperature or weather, but in the distance there are always storms. The heroes occasionally saw distant creatures, including:

    • Rolling rock (an Indian superstition, undoubtedly a demon)
    • Vast herds of buffalo, but strange and horrific and seemingly shrouded in shadow
    • Ancient battlefields, over which haggard coyotes pick, and through which ghosts and undead wander
    • Occasional great animal spirits – a huge boar, or a massive eagle
    • Forests of ancient, vast trees

    The journey seems to take a long time, but simultaneously everything seems to have flicked by quickly, so that when they look back on things past they are already far away, and the detail not remembered clearly as if not much time was spent in them. Even the number of nights that has passed doesn’t seem to be clearly recalled or understood.

    However, the heroes survived this land and emerged at the far side into a canyon, just after dusk. They emerged into a narrow culvert, and could see into a wider canyon which sloped down to enter an even wider, deeper canyon. In front of them they could see that the smaller canyon was blocked by a ring of wagons in a circle, which they would have to pass. Wandering about in dazed confusion between them and the wagon circle was a sick, weak-looking Indian brave, and in the distance they could see another figure wandering about in front of another part of the wagon circle. Beyond the circle at the juncture of the smaller and the larger canyon they could hear screams, and see a distant shadow.

    The heroes attacked the wagons, but as they approached someone inside threw a bundle out of the circle. This manifested itself as a large and nasty Autonomous Sentinel Cannon, which immediately attached itself to the confused brave, and began shooting at them. They were also attacked by three riflemen hidden behind the wagons. Anna Labrousse summoned a monster in the form of a small version of Rolling Rock; this overwhelmed the cannon while Cantrus healed the Indian Brave which was feeding it, and the remainder of the party attacked the hidden riflemen. Merton opened fire on them with a pair of barrage pistols, which missed; then Ganymede, Dave Black and Brian’s dog Matilda took apart the remaining three.

    They approached the other dazed figure and found him to be an Irish soldier, one of the soldiers they had freed from a curse about a month earlier, and this soldier told them the full details of the Iron House’s journey to America. He told them that the force that arrived had successfully fought all Indian attackers with powerful magic and military might, but when the Heroes enacted the ritual to free the Irish Mercenaries of their curse, the remaining Iron House soldiers turned on them. Their remaining Irish soldier had been sick with dysentery at the time, and so was not killed; when he recovered he had entered the stage of being suggestible, and had been brought along as food for the Autonomous Sentinel Cannon. In the battle between the Irish and non-Irish mercenaries much of the force had been killed, and they evidently had no healer; after that they had to rush through enemy lands, and had lost the remainder of their force. Only Alastair Crow and the 3 riflemen remained. The Irish mercenary knew they had set out in possession of 5 Myrmidons, but he did not know how many remained.

    The heroes took this information and headed into the canyon. At the point where it entered the larger canyon they found the Thorntree, and with it Alastair Crow in the midst of enacting a great and powerful ritual. The Thorntree itself was a great, twisted monolith of wood and bark, so large it blotted out some of the stars of the early winter sky. It was dotted with thorns, the ones at its base as large as trees and the higher thorns only the size of elephants tusks or pillars in a small church. Hanging from the larger thorns and impaled on the smaller ones were Indians – women, braves and shamen impaled on the higher thorns, and children hanging, bleeding and tortured, from the lower ones. At the base of the tree, surrounded by a magic circle drawn in the sand of the canyon floor, was Alastair Crow, his back turned to the party of heroes. He was engaged in a ritual, and had open before him a small box.

    The characters attacked. Brian the Hunter called forth walls of entangling thorns linking the walls of the canyon to the thorntree, in order to prevent attacks from within the canyon. Anna Labrousse summoned another monster, this one made of thorns and shadow; and they all charged forward. However, they were attacked immediately by two Myrmidons, one each side, which leapt over the thorn barriers and charged to attack. These were larger than previous Myrmidons they had fought – 12 feet tall, and much faster and fluid in their movements. Flying down from the canyon wall there also came two fly demons, the same sort that the heroes had fought at the Iron House’s headquarters in Bodmin. Battle was joined.

    While Russell, Dave Black and Brian the Hunter took on the Myrmidons the Fly Demons swooped low, spewing vomit on the party. Merton fired on the Myrmidon fighting Russell, and Anna Labrousse attempted to rip off its limbs, while Cantrus healed those near death and banished the demons alternately. The Demons had soon been torn back to hell by giant angelic chains, but the battle against the Myrmidons was much harder. Brian the Hunter conjured another entangling patch of thorns, which held one of the Myrmidons long enough for Dave Black to kill it, though not before it had slain Brian, its captor. At this point a wizard hidden nearby cast a spell on Russell, forcing him to attack his party members; Anna Labrousse was then occupied casting magic to undo this spell while Merton and Cantrus attempted to kill Alastair Crow. Unfortunately, Crow was immune to all their attacks, magical or otherwise – even appeals to his chivalric nature to make him consider a duel against Merton failed.

    This was a dangerous situation, for while the battle with the Myrmidon raged Alastair Crow had partly opened the gate to hell, and the heroes could hear the coming hordes of darkness. Father Cantrus realised that there was only one solution remaining to the party – he ran forward, grabbed Crow by the shoulder, and attempted to lock him in a soulgaze. He realised as he did the reason for Alastair Crow’s immunity – he wore around his neck a pebble the characters had used once to kill him, which he had turned into a charm against all their attacks! However, Cantrus’s soulgaze is no magical or physical attack, merely a revelation of the fate which awaits all sinners, and no mage is immune to it. Alastair crow, trapped in the vision of his own inevitable fate, screamed hollowly, but the gate remained open. In desperation, Cantrus pushed him in; but as he did so the remaining Myrmidon teleported over to his side and cut him in twain with its massive blade, before any could stop it.

    In his death, Cantrus fell into the gate with the wizard, and with his dying wish invoked the miracle by which his supporters request his canonisation: He sealed the gate shut, forever, with his soul. The gate slammed shut, sealing wizard and Priest’s soul inside hell but protecting the mortal world forever from any infernal incursion through this ancient gate.

    I should note that objectors might point out the local Indian tale which says the gate was opened with the bones of a priest, and can be closed the same way; I do not credit this story as anything but native American ramblings, probably peyote- inspired, and instead I argue that this was a miracle, invoked directly by Cantrus through his faith. It is rendered all the greater in its power by the sacrifice he made – taking a place in hell to prevent hell coming to us – and the nature of his own faith, which in previous confidential reports to the Inquisition has been described as “shaky” and “flexible, to say the least”. I present this miracle as evidence that the Lord has judged Cantrus’ faith to be sound.

    On this basis I recommend that Cantrus be considered for canonization.

    On this basis, and with the full support of the Inquisition, I also should like to point out that the remainder of the Heroes are a dangerous and unstable group, with few morals, fewer links to the New World, no loyalty to divinely appointed laws or rulers, and great power. I have seen what happened to Inquisitor Heim after he attempted to read the mind of Dave Black, even though Black had submitted willingly, and I have heard tales of all their deeds.

    On this basis I recommend that Cantrus’ allies be considered for liquidation.

    Finally, I note that traditionally a soul becomes a Saint by being reborn in a new, more powerful form, in service to the Church, on this mortal plane. This is impossible for Cantrus, since his soul is trapped in hell. He can only be canonised if his soul is rescued from hell to be returned to the service of the church. In the place of his death we should also be able to find the pebble which the wizard Alastair Crow wore, and which completely protects the wearer from Cantrus’s allies.

    On this basis I recommend that a team of Inquisitors enter hell as soon as possible, to recover the pebble and Cantrus’s soul, the latter to enter into service to the church as a Saint, and the former to be used in completing the destruction of Cantrus’s allies.

    Yours in holy observance

    Bishop Julius Morninghope

  • Compromise and Conceit 20: Past and Future Visions

    This found in a glass case in Alastair Crow’s study, written in blood on a scroll made of the skin of an angel. It is obviously very old and very evil…

    They fell

    Weakened by battle and His Betrayal

    Weakened, they could not hold their form

    It must pass

    Down down down

    Into the Underworld

    Such passion has no equal

    It must return

    With it they placed gates

    It must return

    It must return

    Here here here

    In this world

    They will return

    They will return

    Their return they willed

    Their return they willed

    For when their power is greater

    Their form permanent

    They placed gates

    Like falling stars they hit this world

    They placed gates

    Like rising shadows they will consume this world

    Oh Servants, Find the Gates!!!!

    Oh Servants, Find the Gates!!!

    Oh Servants, Open the Gates!!!

  • Compromise and Conceit 20: The Undiscovered Faustus

    Being the lost verse from Dr. Faustus, with no credit to Marlowe…

     

    Satan
    How am I glutted with conceit of this?
    Shall I make mortals fetch me what I please,
    Resolve me of all infirmities,
    Perform what desperate enterprise I will?
    I’ll have them seek in India for it,
    Ransack the Ocean for a watery gate,
    And search all corners of the new found world
    For obscure lore and forgotten secrets;
    I’ll have them read me strange philosophy,
    And tell the secrets of all foreign kings;
    I’ll have them wall all Germany with tears,
    And make swift Rhine circle run Vermillion;
    I’ll have them fill the public schools with death,
    Wherewith my students shall be bravely clad;
    I’ll levy soldiers with the coin they bring,
    And seek the Gates of Hell in every land,
    And reign sole king of all their provinces;
    Yea, stranger servants for the ancient quest,
    Than crows and bats in the mortal night,
    I’ll make my servile mortals to invent.
    Come, German Valdes and Cornelius,
    And find my ancient door to your mortal world.
    Valdes, sweet Valdes, and Cornelius,

     

    Enter Valdes and Cornelius.
    Know that your words have won me at the last,
    To practice magic and concealed arts:
    Not for my gain only, but your own intention,
    That will deceive my object and my deed,
    And infiltrates my necromantic skill.

     

     

     

    Also found in a glass case, obviously very old, and perhaps written in blood…

  • Compromise and Conceit 20: Genocide planning

    Office of Forward Planning

    Lanhydrock

    Bodmin

     

    Commanders, Forward Scouts and Captains

    Albany Region

    The Americas

     

    3rd September 1755

     

     

    Strategic Action Notice 1-864-7A

     

    Re: Plans for enactment of First Ritual of Death

    All soldiers are to be in place for the ritual on the evening before our associates commence their attack on the Government offices. Timing and Force Protection are key issues in the effective application of Demonic force in this context, and this Strategic Notice describes in detail the necessary procedures required to maximise the effect of the ritual.

     

    Timing

     

    In any Major Infernal Application, appropriate timing of all actions is essential. Should our associates under Washington fail to achieve military success, the ritual will be invoked from Newfoundland. You should expect that there will be a delay of approximately 1 hour between notification being received at the Newfoundland HQ of failure to achieve military objectives, and full application of the Infernal energies. During this hour it is essential that your soldiers act to gain control over the key strategic points described in Schedule 1.

     

    It is expected that there will be considerable disruption of normal activity during the ritual, due to the sudden death of most mortals in Albany; to ensure smooth continuity of Iron House activity in the area, all Commanders need to move their forces to the locations designated in Schedule 1 within 1 hour of the Regional Director providing Notification of Intent to Invoke.

     

    We do not expect Washington to be able to maintain Military Cohesion during the period of Infernal Application, primarily due to the Pervading Terror, inability of ordinary mortals to Maintain Sanity, and inefficient distribution of Force Protection to inferior troops amongst the militia. However, smooth function needs to be maintained immediately after the ritual, so it is essential that you achieve the locations described in Schedule 1 as quickly as possible.

     

    Force Protection

    All soldiers of the Iron House are to be issued 1 (one) Infernal Protective Amulet (IPA). Soldiers should be notified of the following:

     

    –       IPA use is mandatory

    –       IPA protect only against the Infernal ritual to which this SAN pertains

    –       IPA will not be replaced: trade or loss of an IPA will result in significant costs (Death)

     

    Usually, loss of Iron House issued equipment is punishable by death. Do not waste valuable resources on punishing such indiscretions in this instance: death is inevitable.

     

    Failure to implement appropriate Force Protection measures, and in particular, failure to pre-locate in the locations described in Schedule 1, is a serious disciplinary matter punishable by demotion and, where necessary, banishment to the Netherworld.

     

    Schedule 1: Key Locations to secure in the event of Infernal Application

    [lists obvious locations of military importance which need to be protected from looting, loss of control, etc]

     

     

    Authorising agent: Alastair Crow

     

    Overseeing power: William de Bouverie, 1st Earl of Radnor

     

  • Compromise and Conceit 20: Washington’s Assurances

    George Washington

    8 Albany Place

    Albany

    America

     

    Alastair Crow

    Court Mage

    Lanhydnock

    Bodmin

    United Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland

     

    1st August 1755

     

     

    Dear Mr. Crow

     

    Regarding your letter of the 17th July, I am of course delighted to assure you that, should my various projects in the Americas come to fruition, you and yours will be granted full diplomatic immunity and unimpeded access to all regions under the immediate control of my forces; as well as the right to move your own forces outside of these regions for your own purposes. Your help has already proven invaluable, and I understand the nature and extent of assistance you offer in the event that the main part of my plans should fail.

     

    Regarding the eventual consequences of, as you call them, my “core strategic objectives”, I can assure you that if I fail to move “with all due haste” to “neutralise unnecessary sentient obstacles” among the Native population, you will be free to act in whatever way you see fit to assure your own “demographic goals”. I can, however, assure you that my main associates – Colonels Williamson and White – are eager to enact their principles regarding the Noble Savage, and I am confident that you will find your own “strategic resources” will remain “untapped” while both of our organisations “progress [sic] mutually agreed project outcomes”.

     

    I would also humbly request that you find a less intrusive means of delivering your messages. Not only is the smell of sulfur difficult to remove from my draperies, but it took me some hours to find my scullery maid after she fled in terror from your messenger. I trust that you understand my situation, and remain in this as in all matters,

     

    Yours Sincerely etc.

     

     

     

    George Washington

  • Compromise and Conceit 20: Genocidal dreams

    Alastair Crow

    Court Mage

    Lanhydnock

    Bodmin

    United Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland

     

     

    George Washington

    8 Albany Place

    Albany

    Washington

     

     

    5th July 1755

     

    Re: Proper measures for the management of local populations

    Dear Mr. Washington

     

    I am writing to you to confirm your interest in enacting a programme of population management in the area of Albany and, hopefully, across the Americas. I have been led to understand that some residents of the Americas who might be considered allies of yours have been occasionally remiss in their support for proper population measures, and are not completely on board with the goals of the Iron House in this regard. I would like to assure myself that these concerns are not felt by your or your own senior commanders, and that you are not allowing “out-of-mission” concerns to cloud your thinking in respect of key mission objectives.

     

    As you know, my own senior management team have given me certain Key Performance Indicators to which I must conform in my dealings in the Americas; and that these KPIs are not just more readily facilitated by expeditious management of Native Population Issues, but actually require that I neutralise unnecessary sentient obstacles to achieve certain demographic goals. In previous letters you have indicated that you share these demographic goals, but I would like to gain your assurance that you will act with all due haste to meet the Population Management Objectives we have previously discussed.

     

    In addition to enabling me to meet the terms of some of my KPIs, effective elimination of locally-based opposition will significantly hasten achievement of core strategic objectives for both parties. I hope we can achieve synergy in this matter, though as ever my Senior Management Team have indicated a willingness to step in where your own resources prove inadequate. I believe we both wish to minimise disruption to Senior Management Team schedules, as a failure to leave strategic resources of this sort untapped will be considered in my annual performance review and will undoubtedly affect your benefits at An Indeterminate Future Point. To this end I would like your assurance that you are devoting maximal resources to progress mutually agreed project outcomes.

     

    Regards

    Alastair Crow

  • Compromise and Conceit 20: An ontological crisis

    Once again we find our heroes standing proud after a battle while Dave Black loots the corpses; and indeed this time, having killed a few Iron House guards, the characters found themselves disappointed by the loot on offer. However, before them stood a noble house well worthy of looting, and Lord Merton st. Helier being himself of noble birth, they decided it only fitting to enter through the main doors.

    Unfortunately, the front doors opened into a converted courtyard, covered overhead and with windows each side, which served as a kind of killing ground. Though lord Merton is noble, his instincts are base, and so he and Dave Black decided to enter one of the rooms overlooking this killing ground from the outside. They were lucky to have done so, too, because within the room they found 3 riflemen, preparing to open fire on those of the party who had entered through the main doors. Three more troopers opened fire from the other side of this entrance courtyard. There followed a short and bloody battle in darkness, during which demons and monsters were summoned, and 9 more armed troops came charging through the inner door of this entrance hall. The characters defeated them all, but not before 2 of their number were severely wounded.

    Father Cantrus had just finished healing these wounded when a massive fireball exploded in the doorway to the courtyard, taking in everyone within. Cantrus looked out the door and saw a mage at the far end of a moonlit inner garden courtyard, but this mage was just disappearing from view as he looked. The of the party dived into one of the side rooms to escape the blast, and some of them ran down the hallway towards that distant mage’s position; but while they ran, another fireball exploded in their room. Injured, Anna Labrousse crawled into the opposite sideroom, and so was standing in there when the wizard materialised in front of her. She cast her most forceful spell, Grendel’s Demise, just as he hurled another fireball through the window, and then Cantrus was able to paralyse him. Armless and bedraggled, he was dragged into the moonlight and subjected to Dave Black’s tender ministrations, after which he happily reported that there were, in fact, no other guardians in the building, that William de Bouverie’s assistant had a laboratory on the 2nd floor and a study over the entrance hallway and could the man in black please please stop doing that to his left arm?

    So, the characters headed up to the 2nd floor. First they investigated de Bouverie’s quarters on the third floor, finding only some french porn and a lot of money. At the 2nd floor, they soon found themselves looking on the door to de Bouverie’s assistant’s laboratory. Russell Ganymede used his infernal vision to look through it, seeing only an empty room, moonlight spilling over laboratory equipment, and a table with some olives on it. Anna Labrousse summoned a monster, which appeared resembling in every respect a mad professor, and commanded it to open the door. It walked inside and disappeared from view, unharmed. Convinced despite a faint buzzing noise that the room must be safe, Russell entered…

    … and was hit in the face by a massive flail, composed of a human skull filled with lead and studded with adamantite spikes. He went flying out of the room and landed on the far side of the ante-chamber, seriously injured, where Cantrus promptly healed him. Such is the way of things for an infernal warrior, that though one of his distant brethren might hit him so hard in the face that his cheeks explode, a censurious priest will be with him in but a moment, reminding him of his need to redeem that infernal part of his soul…

    So righted, Russell burst into the room again, followed by everyone else. Inside they found themselves face to face with a fly demon, some 12′ in height, hovering on massive fly wings, vaguely humanoid in form but black-skinned, scaly, with multi-facetted fly’s eyes atop a hideous mouth of mandibles, teeth and tusks. The whole was covered in a thin carpet of stiff, wiry hairs, and carrying a massive flail whose chains finished in skulls, one of which had parts of Russell’s face still on it.

    The demon spewed horrific green vomit on everyone present, and battle was joined as the acid ate at them. However, before the demon could rend them all limb from limb, Father Cantrus wiped the fly bile from his mouth and, chanting biblical curses, forced the being back into hell. All that remained was a wisp of sulfur stench, and a lot of serious injuries.

    The characters then investigated the laboratory and its associated study, and found themselves in possession of a number of incriminating documents. These seemed to be telling them that:

    • The Essential Compromise may have been some kind of trick, by the denizens of hell, to help them find gates on earth through which they could enter the world
    • de Bouverie’s assistant, Alastair Crow was the same man (?) that the characters killed during the uprising in Albany
    • Alastair Crow had planned for a genocide in America, possibly as part of a ritual to invoke the gate, or perhaps to clear Indian resistance from areas he needed to visit
    • In exchange for aiding an enthusiastic Washington in his genocidal plans, Crow gained unfettered access to the American inland
    • Once in the inland, Crow aimed to find “the Thorntree” and had maps guiding him. When his plans fell apart due to the characters’ involvement, he simply arranged an expedition using his Irish soldiers, and set off some weeks earlier

    The characters also found a diary of de Bouverie’s which seemed to indicate that he had made Crow’s acquaintance some time ago and had, since then, slowly become enamoured of – indeed, almost infatuated with – him, and that since their assocation had begun de Bouverie had rapidly gained in temporal power. He had also given Crow more and more control over his personal affairs, ultimately giving him complete control of Lanhydrock and its environs so he could concentrate on his duties as a representative in the parliament in London. A Faustian pact indeed…

    So, having established the motive and the method of a great crime, the characters decided to return to America and stop it. They rode back overland to their boat, and upon arrival at Newquay discovered an Indian crouched on the deck of their ship. This man had arrived as an albatross the day before, and assumed human form on the deck. He was wild, windswept and confused, his mind almost lost to the bird he had become for the long flight. But the characters were able to restore his health, and Anna Labrousse talked him back into his mind. He came to after some hours of quiet work, to tell them:

    “The Prophet begs you come. We have need of you!”

  • Compromise and Conceit 19: Dark Rituals

    We rejoin our characters as they make camp in the woods between Kenmare and Killarney, just Northwest of the spot where they were ambushed by the mage from Kenmare. Here they forced him to talk, and discovered him to be a weak and pathetic mageling, lured by money and the promise of great powers to serve the man who had enacted the ritual of the Dragon at Killarney. His job was simply to keep a watch on the village, and kill any who went there seeking answers. In exchange he was given an amulet of dragon bone, which he would turn into an item of great power “one day”; money; and a promise of access to great power.

    The mage revealed that the man who employed him was William de Bouverie, Earl of Radnor, whose ancestral home is Lanhydnock in Bodmin, Cornwall. The characters had their mark, and the circle was now closed – they knew who had sent the assassin to them, they knew that he was connected to the Irish mercenaries they had previously seen in Newfoundland, and they knew how to free those mercenaries…

    … or, one should say, they would know how to free those mercenaries, as soon as they summoned a lore demon to tell them. Which would require a human sacrifice.

    All eyes settled on the mage…

    … and without much in the way of further qualms, the characters returned to Killarney, and enacted a ritual human sacrifice. Brian the Hunter summoned a storm as Father Cantrus, following the instructions in the book, paced out a circle. Anna Labrousse kept the mage occupied with her calming voice and enchantress’s ways, so that he only realised at the last – as they chained him to the pole – what would happen to him. His realisation came almost at the same time as Brian’s storm swept over town, Cantrus began chanting, and Dave Black hacked the wizard apart with a blunt wooden stake. His organs separated and cast about the circle, yet still vaguely alive, the mage was fed to the Demon Cantrus summoned. This Demon was 12′ tall, with praying mantis-like eyes atop an insectoid head, vestigial wings, long clawed fingers, and a wiry, black-scaled, vaguely humanoid body. When it had fed, it deigned to answer their questions:

    • It told them how to enact a ritual to reverse the curse on Killarney
    • It told them that the secret to protecting their fledgling red empire from war and ruin lay in Bodmin
    • It refused to answer questions about who the characters’ main enemy was – possibly out of fear

    The characters released it and then enacted another ritual while the storm raged. Russell Ganymede reactivated the old summoning circle that surrounded the Killarney town square, they cast the mage’s dragon bone amulet into the centre, and then Anna Labrousse and David Cantrus invoked the ritual. They chanted for the remainder of the night, working their will, and then, exhausted, left at dawn for their ship in distant Kenmare.

    From Kenmare they sailed to Newquay, England, setting their ship aside at the docks, and travelled over Bodmin moor to the town of Bodmin. As they approached, they saw 4 Irish mercenaries riding up the hill. The two groups came to a halt and the characters learnt that the Irish mercenaries had indeed been freed. At first they were confused but now they were free. In town, parts of William de Bouverie’s ancestral home burnt, and some soldiers had been killed when the non-Irish guards turned on their newly-freed Irish colleagues.

    Anna realised that the Irish soldiers were weak of mind from the ritual, and easily suggestible, so she talked the 4 soldiers into joining them. With their numbers increased, the characters rode through Bodmin to Lanhydrock, and entered the extensive gardens around the building. Here they were ambushed by two more of the infernal remade assassins which had first attacked them in Albany, but these two they slew quickly. They then charged to the house, where after a short gun battle with guards at the door they were ready to enter Lanhydrock, to uncover its secrets…

  • Sacrilege!

    DSCF2148
    A crawling abomination from the pits of hell…

    I spent today engaged in a profane and sacrilegious ritual such as would incur the wrath even of the Old Ones[1]: Installing Windows 7 on my 20″ iMac, which only has Mac OS 10.4 on it. I leave it to you, dear reader, to judge whether or not the greatest profanity lies in the act itself; my choice of desktop pattern; or my choice of game.

    I had a variety of problems getting this done:

    • my iMac was bought in a store, and came with a (non-functional) windows partition installed already; this had to be formatted before bootcamp would work, which meant backing up the whole system
    • bootcamp is no longer available, so I had to get it from somewhere (one of the many preparatory rituals)
    • bootcamp doesn’t work any more unless you set back the clock on your apple, which I did
    • windows 7 takes so long to boot up after initial install that I thought it wasn’t working, and spent 30 minutes faffing with it before, finally, distracted by a book, I stopped paying attention and it started itself
    • windows drivers for iMacs are created by bootcamp; but the ones made by bootcamp for MacOS 10.4 don’t work with windows 7, so I had to find the latest ones (from 10.5) somewhere (a ritual enacted on the fly today)
    • The Witcher has an immediate incompatibility with windows 7 in, suprise! its copyright protection software, which acts like you don’t have administrator rights. You can download the latest version from the tages website, or find a nocd crack
    • The Witcher ultimate edition update is free to download but the installation gets in this weird circle of doom, where it won’t install without the language pack, but the language pack won’t install without the update. I solved this by dumping both in the witcher’s folder in the program files – then they both worked fine. This was the most arcane and mysterious of my day’s rituals
    • I didn’t really know where mac OS preferences go, but I finally found them

    So now I have a fully functioning version of Mac OS 10.4.11 on a 180 Gb partition, and a fully (?) functioning version of Windows 7 on a 45 Gb partition, just enough for some stats software and a computer game. I have a 128Mb ATI graphics card which handles The Witcher nicely on reasonable resolution and detail, and may be able to cope with Dragon Age. I received the Witcher 2 years ago for christmas but it was just too slow on my old laptop and I’ve been 2 years waiting for the chance to play it. Unfortunately I have a contract job to do on the weekends, and last-minute travel, so won’t get very far before xmas… sigh … and then I may be buying a new iMac so will have to do the whole thing again!

    Still, I’ve proven in principle that such evil is easy for mortal men. After this, the merely mundane workings of Ultimate Evil that I had aspired to – sacrificing children, eating babies, summoning ancient Gods to rule the world, making statues of Jesus and drowning them in piss – seem pale shadows of the great works which I can now achieve[2]. I have invoked Windows in the purest of sanctuaries, and defiled all that is pure and beautiful with my dark magic!!!

    —

    fn1: you can see one of the Old Ones crawling towards my work of evil to the right hand side of the photo

    fn2: though now I’m pondering a greater darkness – could I dredge up an old Sun Sparcstation, that purest of computers, from somewhere, and install Windows 95 on it? Then I would truly be the most sinister servant of the dark lord…