A D&D Character Sheet, in Business Buzzwords

A first attempt at how a D&D character sheet might look like if written in business buzzwords:

Click for a full Horizon-scan

This character sheet is based on the D&D 4e Essentials character sheet, with the “skillset” separated from the “capabilities.” Follow the flow of that character sheet to see how they all fit in, though it should be obvious to anyone who is singing from the same hymn sheet as me exactly what should be actioned in, for example, the “Key Deliverables” section of the document. If you see a word you recognize, it’s because I can’t think of a suitable buzzword to replace it with. I considered putting in a statement about proper treatment of personal data and please destroy it if it has been emailed to you in error, but we all know that really those statements have no legal force. I think I haven’t used enough hyphens, and some of the nouns lose their full bullshit bingo force if they’re not used as verbs (or should I say, “verbed”).

Suggestions are welcome, of course: we’ll stir-fry them in the ideas wok. I’m doing a full 360-degree horizon scan on this, so any blue-sky thinking on it is absolutely welcome. Just so we’re sure we’re all on the same page, I should clarify that this is issued under the Open Bullshit License (OBL), just like all product made available through this communication channel. Under the Open Bullshit License, if you envision a strategic fit to any of the ideas pioneered here, you’re welcome to transition them to your own knowledge base. A few questions for us to brainstorm:

Is “drill down” sufficient for “dungeoneering”?
“Empowerment” isn’t the best option for “Armour class,” but much as you’d like to see the average meeting turn into a melee (that ultimately ends with your boss getting stuck with a guisarme), I can’t think of a buzzword for this
“Intestinal fortitude” seems a bit weak. Actually some of the original words (dexterity, fortitude, intiative) are kind of bullshitty in their own right: should they just be kept as-is?
Should the whole thing be called a “Service Level Agreement”? I’m not sure…

Let’s whiteboard any ideas and see if we can come up with a 2.0 version …

sillynomad Says:

February 17, 2012 at 12:10 am

where’s the team player skilll? or the “wear many hats” ability? and what about the “get things done” attitude?

fanguad Says:

February 17, 2012 at 3:47 am

I’ll throw a few out there:
synergy, leverage, actionable, exit strategy, paradigm, best practices (I like “core competencies” better), mindshare (for CHA?), capture, value-add, dynamic, incentive (incent, incentivize)

I vote for keeping Initiative. Dexterity is pretty good, but I think there’s got to be another word that means the same thing but is even MORE of a buzzword.

faustusnotes Says:

February 17, 2012 at 10:46 am

sillynomad, I thought the “wear many hats” ability would be best reserved for the Ettins … although, obviously it has a place in any character sheet that includes a “Disguise” skill.

fanguad, I don’t think the D&D essentials character sheet is big enough to fully capture the range of available buzzwords. You’d need Pathfinder for that. I tried thinking of a better word for dexterity but I just couldn’t, sadly. Suggestions welcome! And I’ve used “incentivization” for Religion. I could use “value-add” for any bonus or modifier anywhere on the sheet, couldn’t I …

Paul Says:

February 17, 2012 at 11:11 am

Sigh. Again people tease business processes. Sure I had to spend 15 minutes this morning arguing that “user” was a better term than “benefits realisation stakeholder” on the basis that there was some chance that a human may understand the sentence. I won. Eventually. Though I did need to accuse a collegue of torturing the English language.

But we’re not all bad. For example I’m actively seeing to remove the word proactively from my lexicon. Though you can take “going forward” from my cold dead lips (its much better than “in the future” when you here it actually used in the office).

With my credentials established:
1. Nimbleness/dexterity should be replaced with flexibility. This stat would cover both flexibility and your ability to multi-class, thus demonstrating it’s own flexibility.
2. The performance column should be labeled “Average observed prior performance”. The stakeholders need to accept that prior performance is not a guarantee of future performance, but is a useful metric. The average nature is also critical to understanding the nature of the contents as I’m sure a mathematician such as your self would appreciate.
3. Key Deliverables should be removed and replaced with Key Performance Indicators (KPI). The KPI table would ennumerate the combination of deliverables and observed behaviours that justifies an increase in pay grade.
4. Given how I interpret your curent Key Deliverables, we need to add a new section with remaining resources. This would show available health budget and current expected timelines till projected mortality. I know that projeted mortality isn’t important in most games, but if we separate budget and timelines then it’s going to be impossible to understand the form at a glance.
5. The Return on Investment section is a good start, but lacks key metrics. It needs Return on Equity added at the very least otherwise we’ll never determine the optimal point to retire from adventuring. Also they’re a mouthful to say, so the ROI and ROE acronyms need to be added.
6. The name field should be merged with the empty box to it’s right. Though it’s not really a business document if the readers first comment isn’t to pick out a spelling or formatting error.
7. The HR profile needs an previous name (if changed) section. Otherwise marriage results in us losing our character sheets.
8. Languages know should be retained from the original. Though to avoid confusion I’d specify that it does not refer to computer/coding languages. I don’t want to see R listed on the sheet.
9. Intestinal Fortitude could be replaced by Self Confidence.
10. The attack bonus stat (whatever it is) should be renamed “Average stated objective congruence” to measure the average congruece between the character’s stated objective of hitting the orc and whether they do so. Repeated failures should be noted in the KPI section.

I may have more later, but this should give you enough to start with. Can you tell me when we can expect the next draft? Who else will be signing off on it? I’d appreciate being on the sign off (email is fine) to avoid the wrong messages getting out to our stakeholders before we’re in the right spot to share.

February 17, 2012 at 11:19 am

I suppose I could review the some of the skillset too.

1. Athletics could be “Disabled access required?”. Though we may need to remove that section once our disability policy review is completed in line with our universal access goals.
2. Thievery is Asset Re-purposing
3. Stealth is Bureaucracy avoidance. Though it should also note that this is against our stated goals of honesty and openness.

February 17, 2012 at 11:24 am

Thanks Paul, I really like your comments and I’ll take them on board. Current business activity means I’m having to do this work at home, but as soon as available timelines allow, I’ll repurpose the document and get a new version online.

I guess next we should work on the Adventuring Party’s Vision Statement …

February 17, 2012 at 12:29 pm

Hmm. I dislike the presence of a personal vision statement and a party based one. The individual should be required to sign up to the organisation goals when the come on board.

This isn’t to poo poo personal desires, but while they’re on the clock professional behaviour is killing kobolds, not surfing the web.